I have been locked in a stalemate of mistrust and bitterness that allows me to not have to choose or change. In order to change I either need to say, "I'm done with You. I can't and won't trust You. I'm better off alone," or "Let's try this again. I don't know how, but I want to."
I realize that my answer to the question redefines the word trust. My answer is "No," but it is based on the fact that I do not believe that God wants the best for me. I feel that he is waiting for me to fail. Shaking his head. Frustrated with who I am. And as I look at that belief of mine, I see that it is a lie. He does want the best for me. If I can't believe that, then I need to end our relationship, and I know that isn't what I want. So I need to change my perspective.
If he does want the best, then it is out there somewhere. And I have to trust that it will come. I have to believe that the "goodness of the Lord is in the land of the living" and he will lead me to it. Or bring it to me. And I have tasted and seen.
I just have to wait, wrestle, and walk out of the tent.
Find me in my new home
7 months ago
Life can be so hard sometimes, I know from bitter experience. And I know that sometimes it can be hard to believe that God wants the best for us. But he does. He always will. But sometimes it can just be difficult to see that, or to see where the path we're on will lead us but you just need to have faith. Wishing you well :)
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